....and all that jazZ

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Fire Fire burning bright

Nature has unleashed her fury and we poor mortlas can do nothing but stand back and watch. Woke up to a orange sky on sunday morning. Stepped out to a smoke filled atmosphere. Ashes covering cars. And the fire was not even close yet. Freeway was a parking lot. Could barely breathe. As the fire went on its rampage all efforts seemed insignificant. Mayor said the city would be shut on Monday. Got into work anyways. Couple of more people bored of sitting at home came and joined. The air inside the building was (is still) bad. Webexed into a presentation in iowa, left post lunch. A couple of us played a little pool and went and watched a movie :) *grin*. monday afternoon.
My manager called this morning to say that we really dont need to stay today either and that he wasnt coming in. Will go home in a bit. This air sucks. Time for the rain God to do something about the fire God who is really pissed off.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

I made kolams and I lit tealights at home. Floating in the water... purple leafs and a candle. Cooked and cleaned. Dressed in black and gold. Smiled and laughed and talked. I look at the lights outside on the patio in S's house. They look beautiful flickering there in the wind. Everything is nice and colourful. S is wearing a deep green double shade kurta and K is wearing a red one. Its past midnight. I reflect and wonder what was missing ? I think I know what it is.. :). And I know I just have to wait.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Happy Deepavali

The festival of lights. Lanterns of all shapes sizes and colours. Diyas on the balcony. Open doors. Aroma of sweetmeets and all the munchies floating. Fireworks that light the sky like lighting up the earth isnt good enough. The rangolis outside the houses. Some big some small. The pooja thali decorated with flowers and coins. Silk saris and multihued dupattas. Getting up at the break of dawn and the scented oil bath. Dispelling the darkeness Diwali dawns. Joy mirth and glitter. Some celebrate the victory of good over evil. Some celebrate the Goddess of wealth walking into their homes bringing with her prosperity and good luck. some celebrate the start of a new year.

Moms visiting Chennai visiting mama mami. Gmom said she made all my fav dishes for Diwali. Vidu and Sam are in rasayani. Tommorrow Appa and jachis will join them there. Jachi called early this morning to wish me. I will come to work as usual. We are planning a diwali party for sat night. Nothing fancy. Just our own thing. Will light a few lamps. Will call everyone tomorrow to wish them :). Will send out emails :). Wishing you a Happy diwali and a Properous new year.

Monday, October 20, 2003

Dream On

The beautiful things life is made of. Dreams. And the quest to make them real.
I believe in Fairy tale endings.
I believe that the four clover leaf brings luck.
I believe in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I believe in the guardian angel who sits on my left shoulder.
I believe in miracles.
I believe that faith can move mountains.

Call it a post-childhood hangover, or adult-foolishness, i dream on and i believe i can make them come true.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

Life in the fast lane

Faster faster... i needed to feel the speed. But am tired now. Lay on the grass and looked at the strobe lights play on the clouds in the sky. They were belting "Cryin" in the background. For a sec I wanted the moment to just stop. I smiled as we rotated partners at the guy whom I now faced. A few minutes later I was dizzy. "Are u tired?" he asked. It was a great piece and a great dance. For a sec I wanted to freeze the spin.

Everything started one evening when i promised myself that I would never catch myself getting bored again. Now I am bored of just doing things. Too many things. I am bored of socializing. I am bored of my never ending commitments and my crazy schedule and all the juggling. I WANT TO GO HOME ! :(.

Friday, October 17, 2003

Tug of War

Stood on the crowded railway platform. Was waiting for what seemed ages. It had been a long day and the only thought in the head was "I want to go home". People walking in and out. All living in the same world but yet in smaller worlds of their own.

A ragged little boy also walked by. Barefoot and dirty covered with what seemed like boot polish. A common sight in the city really. No one notices the poor or the needy anymore here. He held what seemed like a few rupees tightly in his hand as he walked purposefully to a small sweet shop on the platform where the hawker sold some not so creamy or soft cakes and mints and hardboiled candy. Pointed to a small cake and put out the little hand in which he held the money. "Kam hai" said the hawker rudely as he waved the boy away. The boy turned away.

The eyes followed the boy. Watched him stretch out the hand that clutched the money. Instinct said "buy the boy the sweet". rationality said otherwise. A split second and a split desire. The boy vanished into the crowd that grew bigger as the train pulled in.

Should have ... Would have... Could have.... but did'nt !!!!


Went to an Aerosmith-Kiss concert last night. We were an hour late and we missed most of Kiss but thats okay. All I cared about was Aerosmith and he didnt disappoint. He started with Love in an elevator and ended with Walk this way. How do i describe it ? Well, all I'll say is I dont have a voice today. My throat is in tatters :). After all these years they still ROCK. What does it take ? One Mr. Steve Tyler and a Joe F@#$%^& Perry ( that's what Steve calls him :-) ). One helluva time last night.

Woke up this morning with Janies got a gun playing in my head. ( He didnt play that song though :( ) I was just reading the news. And this what I read. "They carved his eyes out." Came from sky onto hard earth with a thud. A big thud. I feel anger helplessness sorrow all at the same time. Ya so my throat hurts coz i sang my lungs out at Aerosmith. I got a shoebite from jumping in those blocks. How little my world is and how trivial my problems. If this is all the difference I can make to this world, I may as well have been a door mat.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Seriously Sirius

Todays post is dedicated to this great guy Sirius Black. I finished the last of the Potter series last night, and wiped a tear at the end. (AGAIN !!!!!!! :) ) But here is to a man who has caught my fancy. Why do I love Sirius ?
1. He is this handsome guy. Hair falling over his face. With a great smile.
2. He is intelligent, was the best in his school and he knows it.
3. He is brash and arrogant.
4. He loves taking risks and is always game for an adventure.
5. He is oblivious to the hopeful looks girls throw at him. He doesnt want to impress anyone. He is "cool".
6. He is steadfast and loyal.
7. He is a wronged man. Punished for a murder he didnt commit. Condemned and falsely accused of selling his best friend to the Dark Lord.
8. He loved his best friend like a brother. He loved Harry, like his own son.
9. 13 years in Azkaban could not kill him or his spirit.
10. He has a heart of gold.

Hmmm.. there you go. Like Jay in Sholay or Vijay in Deewar, or Karna in the Mahabharata. he just caught my fancy. But they dont make men like that anymore... do they ??

Monday, October 13, 2003

I am in good spirits today. Walked out of my house and the sun was shining and it was a cool nice autumn morning. A fresh smell rising from the earth. Hop skip and hum and I am at work. Not much to do for now. I wish I had a little garden extending my patio. And little flowers in all colours peeking out from the green grass. Blue sky white clouds. A cane recliner and my favourite story book. Picture perfect.

I dont know why i just wrote what I did. There were a million other things I wanted to say and this was not even one of them :). S a couple of weeks ago said to me when i was excitedly fiddling with something "It takes so little to make you happy.". :) .. Well thats a good thing isnt it ? Sat afternoon was one such. We went to Little Italy to see the chalk art festa. Chalk Painting on the road. They close off a couple of parking lots and street and use it for artists todo their thing. Its amazing to see a madonna or a mona lisa emerge out of a dead tar square. I was all thrilled and kept quizzing the artists about the techniques they were using. I really should start painting again. Spent three hours there. We were walking back to get cannolis, and I see a couple of people with huge icecreams and i say "OOOH, Loook ICE cream, Lets have ice cream". Costa looks at me " How old are you ?""Young enough to love icecreams" I say. And I had cannolis and icecream :). Was in seventh heaven rest of the day.

Friday, October 10, 2003

Once upon a time....

The balcony that over looks the city. A rain drenched evening. Lake Washington shimmering . A chill draft. The lights come on slowly like the sky descending on the ground. Space needle stands tall. And a life that could have been one split into two. Two so disparate that there is nothing common left to even hold on to.
There are smiles and hugs and music and dance and wine and all the things that dont mean a thing when one pretends its all okay. Is it the rain drops or tears that wet the cheek ? The city grows smaller and smaller. The plane seems to move faster than time. Left behind is a memory of something that once was. A dream that almost came true.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Harry Potter and Spiderman

Harry Potter and Spiderman.... Thats whom I spent last evening with :) !. Am reading the whole Potter series all over again. And watched Spiderman on HBO all over again. Cheered spiderman on against the green goblin imagining for a split sec that I was hanging there instead of MJ and it was me that he swooped up and saved.
".. And they say that a hero will save us...". :) No such complications with Harry. He has a hard time keeping himself alive :). But I urged him on as he fought Voldemort. Oh the eternal battle between good and evil. Interesting, esp in Harry Potter, how the good and evil share a past. Are even similar. " I am sure we can expect great things of you Harry, for You-know-who did great things too. Terrible, yes, but great." said Ollivander. "With great power comes great responsibility. This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man." said Peter Parker. The other side of black is white isnt it ? Rest of us just shades of grey.

I am blabbering. Ignore me ! :) ! I should go back to the Doors. I need to get work done. " People are strange... when you're a stranger ..."

Monday, October 06, 2003


After some thought wore a black plain outfit. Was a little dull. Threw a silk red and black scarf around my neck. And matching red accesories. We walked into Hyatt-Downtown. It was a beautifully done lobby. complete with red carpet for the guests. And I looked around. It was like being captured in a movie that was playing. Guys all spruced up. The same guys who sit in shorts and Tees bundled up in front of computers for the rest of the year, completely unrecognisable in suits and tuxs. Glowing women with sparkling gowns and dresses. Some atrocious and loud and others classy and sophisticated. Three floors six themes. Food and drinks overflowing. Bumped into quite a few people I dont see otherwise. Gamble dance croon to karaoke( something I badly wanted to do, but never got around to :( ). The whole night feels like a dream now. Everything is a blur. Looking forward to the QWI03. Advantages of having friends who work for a company that makes so much money that each division has its own extravagant annual bash. :) :) .

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Why me ???

Is something I will ask the writer of my destiny someday. I did the stupidest thing yesterday. And I have been kicking my self since. I was out of my mind with worry all evening. It was a nightmare. I got up and it turns out that everything was getting back to normal. Normalcy is a very subjective thing. My life is not normal normal, you know what mean ?. Never has been. So today when I can see things in retrospective, I can maybe laugh at what I put myself through yesterday. Well, that would embody Murphy's Law is a different story altogether. People keep telling me that a day in my life could be a Sienfeld episode. Its not even funny anymore. AAARRRGGGHH !!!!

Only Shy knew what happened. Coz I needed some help desparately. He told his mom. His mom told S's mom. She told S and B. And now the whole world knows. I can understand concern, but my life has always been on display. Why does anyone have to discuss me ??? Why cant I be one of those people whom no one notices. A soul who lives in her own world. Thats all I want to be. Like everyone else.

Why ME ???

Happy Birthday Shwets

Every kid has a best friend. Few have one who lasts 24 years.
It is the best gift life could have given me.
All I can say now is "Touch Wood".

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Mommy's Baby

Chatted with mom this morning. I dont think she realises I am 24. She is in a different time zone. Probably 10 years behind. I am still the little girl who needs her mommy for everything. And I still need to be told everything. What will you wear to the QCT party ? Please dress nicely. Dont be out too late. You dont have to drink. Drive carefully. Stop talking on your mobile when you drive. What did you eat this morning ? You watch too many movies. Why dont you start advanced salsa ? ........ :) :)

But honestly Ma, i dont think I'd have it any other way. :) !