....and all that jazZ

Friday, April 29, 2005

As we become more and more tech savvy we fall deeper and deeper into the abyss of loneliness. We sit isolated from each other and shie from making human contact simply because we can do all we want with the click of a button. We are completing the full circle. Only now, the caves are a lot cozier in winter.

Working in a semiconductor company, it seems quite the paradox to be saying this does'nt it ?

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Lover's Gifts XLII: Are You a Mere Picture
by Rabindranath Tagore

Are you a mere picture, and not as true as those stars, true as
this dust? They throb with the pulse of things, but you are
immensely aloof in your stillness, painted form.
The day was when you walked with me, your breath warm, your
limbs singing of life. My world found its speech in your voice, and
touched my heart with your face. You suddenly stopped in your walk,
in the shadow-side of the Forever, and I went on alone.
Life, like a child, laughs, shaking its rattle of death as it
runs; it beckons me on, I follow the unseen; but you stand there,
where you stopped behind that dust and those stars; and you are a
mere picture.
No, it cannot be. Had the life-flood utterly stopped in you,
it would stop the river in its flow, and the foot-fall of dawn in
her cadence of colours. Had the glimmering dusk of your hair
vanished in the hopeless dark, the woodland shade of summer would
die with its dreams.
Can it be true that I forgot you? We haste on without heed,
forgetting the flowers on the roadside hedge. Yet they breathe
unaware into our forgetfulness, filling it with music. You have
moved from my world, to take seat at the root of my life, and
therefore is this forgetting-remembrance lost in its own depth.
You are no longer before my songs, but one with them. You came
to me with the first ray of dawn. I lost you with the last gold of
evening. Ever since I am always finding you through the dark. No,
you are no mere picture.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Come with me..
To strange lands with familiar scents,
We will find the treasures we once sought in places we knew all but too well.

Come ...
and we will find lost desires,
buried deep in the moist soil under the shade of the green lushness.

Gloomy Friday. Clouds dampening the joy of the end of the good week. Every minute seems to stretch out to eternity. The very opposite of a Monday minute.

Bunty Aur Babli. Bollywood's latest offering. I loved the songs. I loved most of all the title. Puts a smile on my face right away. Its unassuming. The very un-coolness of the two names makes it so very interesting. Every Indian must know a bunty or a babli. "Pet names" not nick names in India are soo common. Everyone has a pet name. And that name sticks to them all through their life. And is used not just by family but often by the entire neighborhood. And is upheld by most people with great pride.

Which reminds me of the immense joy it brings me when my mom comes online and my messenger blinks "Raga". Or when my darling sis comes online and it screams "Raggiee.. Laddoo". Similarly Sammy, Viddiee, Revaa, Siya, Jachi, Badda... all babbliings of baby talk that become part of our identity, our relationships, and assertion of deep love hence forms of endearing addresses.

Remember K3G ? I don't blame anyone for not remembering. Quite a forgettable movie. But kajol in that movie.. the loud dancing punjabi from chandni chowk... ? I met a woman exactly like her. Not the least bit inhibited. Talking in hindi in a punjabi accent. Talking in English in an american accent. Very annoying at first you slowly realize that she has a big warm heart and no ill intentions in her non stop chatter. Grown up in a overprotective environment.. breaking into a jig at the smallest excuse.. loudly singing punjabi songs.."angrez ban gaya hai mera beta.." she says as she caters to her son's demand of pancakes over parathas for dinner. I can imagine her being a Babli at home.

Snehi for a long time wanted to be called "Bubbles", I cant imagine why. But honest to God she did and she did try insisting but gave up eventually. But she has always addressed her boyfriends by equally annoying names. "Bubbles" is getting married a week. Thinking about it I am overwhelmed with emotion. My dearest friend of 15 years...I wish I could have been there. We I guess never really grew up for each other until the moment I actually saw her wedding invitation in my inbox signed off as come soon and my husband and I will be waiting to see you. Boyfriend..Fiance.. all fine. Husband ..... :-) I smile and I know that Snehi to me is not just Snehi now , Snehi is now Snehi and Atit. And from that instant on I love him as much.

Time will stand still held by the setting sun,
The winds with hold their breath and the waves will pause in anticipation
Deep in the music of that silence,
We will find the answers to all the questions we never asked.

Monday, April 18, 2005

The lawyer writes " You are now a lawful permanant resident of the country. Congratulations. " Mom is super excited. So am I for a whole day. But I feel strangely lost, nostalgic and even patriotic. I tell myself I don't ever want citizenship. N and I discuss how awful it would be to stand in queue for a visa to go home. There is only one place where my heart belongs. K calls me a hypocrite and reminds me that I have fallen for the great american dream after all. Have I ? Will I ever go back ? Will I someday grudgingly admit that the surge of pride that swells at the sight of the saffron white and green flag is outweighed by the lure of the dollar and the convenience of online bill pay ? 45 times over ?

The Road Goes Ever On

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

-- J R R Tolkien

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

I was waiting. For that one look that would speak volumes in the silence that surrounded us. A silence often broken by words weaving stray thoughts in our heads and the desire to speak without saying much and the desire to say everything without speaking at all. I looked up to him and smiled and just when his eyes would have caught my gaze I looked away. I was afraid of what I might find. More of what I might not. Most of what my own might betray.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Sometimes we forget what a kind word can do. A simple smile, a reassuring "Its going to be okay", a hug. Touch somebodys life today and you would not have lived in vain.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Paradoxical state of mind

Feeling : Exhausted (Its monday !) and yet upbeat (Its only monday... I still have time to finish up stuff )
Reading : Autumn of the Patriarch ( Garcia Marquez), Maximum City ( Suketu Mehta )
Listening to : Alternating between Janis Joplin and Kaal