....and all that jazZ

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Chapter 34 : I open at the close.

This is it. This is as far as I had imagined. More or less. This is what adulthood meant to me always, even as recent as a decade ago. It seems just about right, it feels on days like a monumental achievement and on other days - What the hell am I doing in life ?. So it has come to be. The end of the year. The end of the decade. I am struggling to define this year as more than the sum of the past years, but then I have mostly lived life as it came, day to day with long term plans having little meaning. Today is the sum of all the books I have read, dreams I have wished away, wonderful trips I have taken, friends who I lean on, conversations with strangers, love that has endured, things I have not checked off, 21 avenger movies,  hard hitting politics, sisters, brothers, countless work deadlines,  family that always believes, promises kept, resolutions broken, poetry, sunsets that made me weep, music that healed, words written and those unsaid, time that has run out.....

Two things have defined the arc of this decade and twisted and turned and shaped me into someone I am not sure I aspired to be, but I am happy to acknowledge. The birth of my two children and the loss of my father. Everything else falls to the wayside when I look back. I am not sure what more to expect from life anymore, but here I am. Hopefully more than the sum of all my parts. A state of no expectations is perhaps a sign of mature adulthood ? I do although feel oddly excited and hopeful, as I hold on to life's blessings. Humbled by the view. Grateful for the time.

The kids chanced upon a beautiful unopened clam on the beach the other day. They brought it home in a bucket of ocean water. We gathered around the table to admire it as we pondered over the next steps. "There could be a pearl in it" said mowgli. "We would have to extract it carefully". "Will you share it with me?" Asked ponyo. "Or there could be nothing in it." Cautioned coolboy.

Hello 2020. Let's roll.

Wednesday, December 04, 2019

Chapter 33- An Invitation

I'll write you a song
if you will play along
and make the evening dance

The leaves have fallen
prey to winters passion
To the window, throw a glance

It is late in the year,
I am weary, mon cher
Let us drink to defiance ?

Lets drink to my health,
to the hand that life has dealt,
dreams and their non-compliance ?

I'll write you a song
if you will play along
and make the evening dance

The stars will shine bright
On this cold winter night
When you and I take a chance.