....and all that jazZ

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Gastronomical Obessions

Almost 14 weeks now and I have not thought more about my diet in my 30 years of existence. Eat too little = Feel hungry. Eat even a tad too much = Feel nauseous. Small meals = many meals. Fatigue = Don't feel like cooking. Eating out = Feeling nauseous.

At times like these, curd rice and pickle and microwaved appalam is of great comfort. Except that it has no nutritional value. Which reminds me I need Folic Acid, Vitamins, Iron, Calcium, Omega 3 bla bla all coming from a supplement. 3 tablets Once a day. After taking the supplements I wonder each night, why I bothered eating food at all :) ! Ah.. I forget .. slavery to the tongue :) !

Almost everyone asks me if I have cravings. I actually have no cravings. although I think I have started salting my food more than usual. So maybe a Salt craving ?? Tsk tsk. I do dislike oil more than usual. Which is related to the fact that the smell of oil makes me nauseous. :).

2 servings dairy - $$ Check
1 serving fruit - $$ Check
1 nutritious vegetable - $$ Check
1 serving protein - $$ Check

Feeling Nauseous - Check

Trail mix from Vending machine helps subside nausea - Priceless.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I Heart You.

I grew up with an extended family. 3 Moms, 2 sets of grandparents, the best Mama on earth, 4 sisters and 1 brother and very loving uncles, aunts and affectionate, close paternal cousins. Being the first child of the new generation does come with its perks. You have pictures with each one of them holding you as a baby, everyone focusing on your every move as though it is the biggest miracle, being able to have seen all the younger ones slowly come into existence and teach them all the wonderful skills you have picked up by then. If there was one wish I could make, it would be for the next generation to grow up the same way that we did. Surrounded by love and summers infested with chicken pox.
It is a rare gift and I am infinitely grateful for it. I have this picture in my head of Patti, who has room on her lap for all her grandchildren and her arms stretched to include all her children. Infinite space in her heart that converts nothingness into love.
I may not have got everything I asked for from life, but what I got without asking, was more than enough.

PS: First Toy : Walking Ostrich from V-Chithi. Second Toy : Remote control helicopter from R-Chithappa.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Oh. precious sleep.

I am one that is prone to dreaming with my eyes wide open. I don't need the comfort of a bed and a pillow to dream. As a person who rarely sleeps more than 7 hours a day, the need for sleep is a strange one. And a need so urgent and demanding. I sleep about 8.5 to 9 hours on working days these days, and that's because I am too busy to sneak an afternoon snooze. On weekends, the winter sun beckons. It says, come lay a while and let me sing you a lullaby. I find it incredibly hard to resist.

For all the times I woke you lazy souls up each morning, under one pretext or another, my dearest sisters and husband, I think you have got your much sought revenge.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

A New Beginning.

I have a picture of Tatha and Patti on my bed stand. Patti is the person i say good night to every night. PattIi is the person I tell when i want something real bad. Patti always prays for me. And when she prays... it always comes true.

I was pacing up and down the room with the test stick in my hand. My whole body was tense and I had an idiotic smile plastered on my face. I kept saying " Oh God, Coolboy, what if its true...?"

The months preceding it I had spent poring over all possible reasons why I would not have the easiest route to this moment. Doubts, fears, anxiety were only quadrupled by the vast amount of information online. Cool boy had categorically stated that he did not want to be part of this self diagnosis. "If there is the problem, we will find a solution. IF." He did not believe in speculating.

One fine day I decided - Enough. Giving up control is one if the hardest things to do. We belong to the fast food generation. Things have to be churned out quick and when wanted. We decide that this is a good age to be married by.. this is a good time to have a baby.. good time to switch jobs.. Timing is critical. We have to squeeze the most out of every phase before we move to the next. Not a moment to waste. A Career, financial security, home, a companion... so on..the rush through life.. leaves me with a sense of inevitability of a mechanical routine. Where are the pauses ? Where is the spontaneity ? Where did I lose it ? When did I lose it ?
So I decided - Enough. Things should happen when they have to.

A month later.. holding that stick in my hand.... I looked at cool boy... confused.. part happy.. mostly scared... and said "Can this be true?". "Well, isn't it what you have been obsessing about ?" He smiled.

I would have never been prepared for this moment. No amount of control would have helped me. It took me a whole week and more to wrap my head around the big change in my life that I had just embraced.

A lot of things have been topsy-turvy since. 10 weeks since, I am a new person. There are new challenges. And I know one thing.. The time is always right when you are ready mentally. Nothing else matters.