Gastronomical Obessions

Almost 14 weeks now and I have not thought more about my diet in my 30 years of existence. Eat too little = Feel hungry. Eat even a tad too much = Feel nauseous. Small meals = many meals. Fatigue = Don't feel like cooking. Eating out = Feeling nauseous.

At times like these, curd rice and pickle and microwaved appalam is of great comfort. Except that it has no nutritional value. Which reminds me I need Folic Acid, Vitamins, Iron, Calcium, Omega 3 bla bla all coming from a supplement. 3 tablets Once a day. After taking the supplements I wonder each night, why I bothered eating food at all :) ! Ah.. I forget .. slavery to the tongue :) !

Almost everyone asks me if I have cravings. I actually have no cravings. although I think I have started salting my food more than usual. So maybe a Salt craving ?? Tsk tsk. I do dislike oil more than usual. Which is related to the fact that the smell of oil makes me nauseous. :).


2 servings dairy - $$ Check
1 serving fruit - $$ Check
1 nutritious vegetable - $$ Check
1 serving protein - $$ Check

Feeling Nauseous - Check

Trail mix from Vending machine helps subside nausea - Priceless.

I Heart You.

I grew up with an extended family. 3 Moms, 2 sets of grandparents, the best Mama on earth, 4 sisters and 1 brother and very loving uncles, aunts and affectionate, close paternal cousins. Being the first child of the new generation does come with its perks. You have pictures with each one of them holding you as a baby, everyone focusing on your every move as though it is the biggest miracle, being able to have seen all the younger ones slowly come into existence and teach them all the wonderful skills you have picked up by then. If there was one wish I could make, it would be for the next generation to grow up the same way that we did. Surrounded by love and summers infested with chicken pox.
It is a rare gift and I am infinitely grateful for it. I have this picture in my head of Patti, who has room on her lap for all her grandchildren and her arms stretched to include all her children. Infinite space in her heart that converts nothingness into love.
I may not have got everything I asked for from life, but what I got without asking, was more than enough.

PS: First Toy : Walking Ostrich from V-Chithi. Second Toy : Remote control helicopter from R-Chithappa.

Oh. precious sleep.

I am one that is prone to dreaming with my eyes wide open. I don't need the comfort of a bed and a pillow to dream. As a person who rarely sleeps more than 7 hours a day, the need for sleep is a strange one. And a need so urgent and demanding. I sleep about 8.5 to 9 hours on working days these days, and that's because I am too busy to sneak an afternoon snooze. On weekends, the winter sun beckons. It says, come lay a while and let me sing you a lullaby. I find it incredibly hard to resist.

For all the times I woke you lazy souls up each morning, under one pretext or another, my dearest sisters and husband, I think you have got your much sought revenge.

A New Beginning.

I have a picture of Tatha and Patti on my bed stand. Patti is the person i say good night to every night. PattIi is the person I tell when i want something real bad. Patti always prays for me. And when she prays... it always comes true.


I was pacing up and down the room with the test stick in my hand. My whole body was tense and I had an idiotic smile plastered on my face. I kept saying " Oh God, Coolboy, what if its true...?"


The months preceding it I had spent poring over all possible reasons why I would not have the easiest route to this moment. Doubts, fears, anxiety were only quadrupled by the vast amount of information online. Cool boy had categorically stated that he did not want to be part of this self diagnosis. "If there is the problem, we will find a solution. IF." He did not believe in speculating.

One fine day I decided - Enough. Giving up control is one if the hardest things to do. We belong to the fast food generation. Things have to be churned out quick and when wanted. We decide that this is a good age to be married by.. this is a good time to have a baby.. good time to switch jobs.. Timing is critical. We have to squeeze the most out of every phase before we move to the next. Not a moment to waste. A Career, financial security, home, a companion... so on..the rush through life.. leaves me with a sense of inevitability of a mechanical routine. Where are the pauses ? Where is the spontaneity ? Where did I lose it ? When did I lose it ?
So I decided - Enough. Things should happen when they have to.

A month later.. holding that stick in my hand.... I looked at cool boy... confused.. part happy.. mostly scared... and said "Can this be true?". "Well, isn't it what you have been obsessing about ?" He smiled.

I would have never been prepared for this moment. No amount of control would have helped me. It took me a whole week and more to wrap my head around the big change in my life that I had just embraced.

A lot of things have been topsy-turvy since. 10 weeks since, I am a new person. There are new challenges. And I know one thing.. The time is always right when you are ready mentally. Nothing else matters.

Tick Tock

I. Stop

Just learned to crawl, and Lo...
he is up, he is running
No get, No set, Just Go..

He puts his little hand,
out to the speeding car
and says "STOP".

He argues with the rain,
Racing time to grow.
All my heart wants is to say "No.

Stay where you are.
The way you are."
I put my hand out to him and say
"STOP."

II. Yesterday.

3 Eons ago.
No, that day it did not rain
It was a Strange autumn.
It was the day I tried.
I prayed,
I cried.
It was the day Innocence died.

III. Time.

Waqt.
Samay.
An Instant.
Pal.
A Moment.
Now.
Aaj, Abhi.
Kal.

Why ?

The last 3 books I read were
The Lord of the Flies
1984
Iran: An awakening

The first two written by authors who have a bleak view of the future. Who highlight the horrors that man is capable of. The books leave you scared. The Lord of the Flies in particular is chilling because it reminds you how cruel children can be. And as much as you want to wish it away, the truth is you cant. The first two are works of fiction set in a parallel world.

Now the third is quite interesting. Its a true life story of one woman who just refuses to give up hope. Amid all the censorship in Iran, she managed to tell her story to the world when the powers that be, tried every trick in the book to hush it up. Some of the horrors that she and her family and friends have had to endure make you tremble. But you have acknowledge that to beat the system sometimes you have to be part of it. I wonder if I was her, what I would have done. What choices would I have made?

At the end of all three books, you have to stop yourself and ask, Why? Why are humans like this?

I am now hooked to a show that completed its run on TV last year - BattleStar Galactica. After The Wire, this is the only show on TV that I credit as being extremely intelligent and brilliantly conceived and written. Humans have been forced into exile by Cylons - enemies of their own creation, who hence call themselves "Children of Humanity". As they are hunted across space, the last surviving few scout the universe in search of their destiny - a planet called earth. The story tells what happens to the 47-something-thousand last humans left in the universe? What plagues them? How do they organize themselves? What do they feel in this apocalyptic time about God? About each other? What is right ? What is fair? Who deserves to live?

We, humans, are imperfect beings who want to live in a perfect world. And we will kill, massacre, destroy each other over the exact details of "perfection". Paradoxically, our greatest instinct, basest instinct, is Survival.

So if today someone pointed a gun to earth's head asking for one good reason we should not be completely annihilated, can you think of one? One good reason Why ?

Prolonged Absence.

The longer I stay away from writing the lazier I get. Every other day my head is filled with thoughts and I tell myself, today I must sit down and write. But it gets put away. But now I am back.
What happened?
Life.
Anything exciting?
Lots of stuff.
Like what?
coolboy is back home. We are resuming our life that was on hold while coolboy got his oh-so-precious MBA. took a month off.
Where did you go?
Went home. Went to Switzerland. Went to vegas.
Now what?
rowing gently down the stream. Whats life, but a dream !

Peace out !