....and all that jazZ

Thursday, July 31, 2003

My book shelf has this whole set of books i acquired recently and which sit there waiting to be picked up. I get so involved with characters that are not real, that after some books I have to literally flush all the sentiments out of me. Yes, I am one of those people who actually live in the world of the characters. I love laugh cry with them.
Some lines I will never forget

" A candle burned on the table". Dr Zhivago
" All happy families are alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" Anna Karenina
" Frankly my dear, I dont give a damn " Gone with the wind
" ... I will never go hungry again " Gone with the wind
" All animals are equal. Some animals are more equal than others" Animal Farm
" Races condemed to one hundred years of solitude do not have a second chance on earth." One hundred years of solitude
" ...Yet Brutus says he was ambitious, And Brutus is an honourable man." Julius Caeser
" I do " Fountain head

Well thats all thats there on the top of my head right now. I am sure if i give it enough thought i can come up with more :) .

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

If only

........I was wendy, and had peter pan for my friend ! :)

Mid-Week Blues

My new salsa shoes are giving me a shoe bite. As expected, but they aren't the most comfy ones other wise anyways.
Cafe Sevilla was closed for some crazy reason last night. So much for the new dancing shoes.
Ate french fries for dinner. Didnt have time for anything else between work and running to Gaslamp.
After a day of debugging found a stupid missing connection to supply.
Didn't sleep much. It rained all night. And the water drops make an annoying metallic sound when they hit the gate (which is the entrance to the pool) right outside my bedroom window. Not the pleasant sound of water splashing on the mud ground or on the leaves on the tree.
Dad called when I was trying hard to sleep. Couldnt say more than a Hi.
Tatha is not well again.
Missed Anna's birthday.

" Hey man I'm alive I'm takin' each day and night at a time
Yeah I'm down, but I know I'll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I ain't got nothin' but this roll of the dice
I'm feelin' like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday night "
(Bon Jovi)

Monday, July 28, 2003

Stood 2 hours in a freakin line to enter the rooftop bar/lounge at the W. Why ?? Coz was stood for an hour and kept promising ourelves that we wouldnt stand for more than 10 more minutes and eventually stood for 2 hours. Was it worth it ? Nope. If I have to hang out with friends, I dont need to go to the W, I can do it at the Spot, La Jolla. Whats the big deal about the W anyways. An extremely upscale, extremely stylish rooftop lounge/ bar. Funky Snazzy interiors, good music, amazingly dressed crowd. But def not worth 2 hours of my time and energy. There was a time when i wanted to be at all the hot and happening places, not anymore. Sensibilities prevailed and I grew up. Dress code says "casual chic" as against "dress to impress". What ever that means !! Dress to impress whom ? Myself ? My friends ? "Rising hemlines and plunging necklines a must" . thats what they should say :) :) ! I have nothing against people who go to bars to meet new people, but personally I think its such a drag act. To be polite and make polite conversations with people you dont know over loud music in an inebriated state. Not my style. So we went up. After waiting in the queue for 2 hours, ragging each other and people watching, we spent about 35-40 mintues inside. S got me a martini. The only thing I love about martinis is the olives. Passed the drink on to B who gladly cleaned it out. After all this fuss, we eventually at 1 in the morning were happily munching fries at Dennys. :) :)

Friday, July 25, 2003

Its that time of the week again. It was Monday a few minutes ago, and itll be monday before i can blink. Have fielded "So what are u doing this weekend ?" from pretty much everyone at work. "Honestly, I have nothing on the cards" and that suprises even me. If the weather is anything like what is predicted, I want to char myself lying on the beach, sipping iced tea and finish reading "One hundred years of Solitude". Its been a phenomenal read so far as promised by my Garcia-marquez-fan friends. Aviva is back. And my house is alive again. Reminded me again, of how isolation makes me squirm. Plays on my mind. Not a good feeling. Anyways, the weeks ended.Its Friday evening. Time to kick back and soak in every moment . Monday will be here before i can blink.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

The Golden Boat

Clouds rumbling in the sky; teeming rain.
I sit on the river bank, sad and alone.
The sheaves lie gathered,harvest has ended,
The river is swollen and fierce in its flow.
As we cut the paddy it started to rain.

One small paddy-field, no one but me -
Flood-waters twisting and swirling everywhere.
Trees on the far bank;smear shadows like ink
On a village painted on deep morning grey.
On this side a paddy-field, no one but me.

Who is this, steering close to the shore
Singing? I feel that she is someone I know.
The sails are filled wide,she gazes ahead,
Waves break helplessly against the boat each side.
I watch and feel I have seen her face before.

Oh to what foreign land do you sail?
Come to the bank and moor your boat for a while.
Go where you want to,give where you care to,
But come to the bank a moment, show your smile -
Take away my golden paddy when you sail.

Take it, take as much as you can load.
Is there more? No, none, I have put it aboard.
My intense labour here by the river -
I have parted with it all, layer upon layer;
Now take me as well, be kind, take me aboard.

No room, no room, the boat is too small.
Loaded with my gold paddy, the boat is full.
Across the rain-sky clouds heave to and fro,
On the bare river-bank, I remain alone -
What had has gone: the golden boat took all.

-- Rabindranath Tagore

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

It takes two to tango... or does it ?

I experienced freedom. My feet have never felt lighter and my heart either. Was it me spinning or the world around me spinning ? Was the rhythm that my body moved to, or just my heart beating ? Was I dreaming awake, or was I asleep ? Thank you Sabastein. For the best dance I have ever had. With a partner as good as a couple of people I danced with last night, I could salsa like only I have dreamed of. And then I knew what they meant when they say "Let him lead, Just set your self free and flow". It takes two to make that dance perfect, but one can make the other look good :) ! Just like life , Its all about trusting your partner and setting yourself free.

Monday, July 21, 2003

"Just another manic Monday "

"Just another manic Monday " What did I do all weekend. My mind is a bundle of contradictions. I want to spend a weekend doing nothing. And I get so restless when i do nothing that I end up doing a lot of things and wishing that I had done nothing. Friday night went to a nice Greek place for dinner. Played some decent pool till 2 in the morning. For some weird reason got up with a start on sat morning at 8:30, and started doing things about the house. Laundry, dishes, vacuum ... the usual. Cleaned out the refrigerator, restocked for the week. All very unlike me, considering that i grew up without having to pick up a spoon in my house. Got into work for a bit. Spent the rest of the afternoon picking curtains for my window and then putting it up. Bought new chairs for my patio with handrest footrest and headrest. Yes, I am exteremely comfort oriented. At 12 bucks each def worth it :). Spent the evening at a friends' making kababs, while sipping on gin and tonic. Caught a movie sunday afternoon. Sunday ended with a laugh watching sex and the city with friends. End of weekend. Did pretty much worth nothing but a whole lot of words !!!

"Mirror Mirror on the wall, Who is the fairest of them all?"

Beauty, The word reeks prejudice. After all beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Then why is it so important for us to be told that we are beautiful or made to feel it. Magazines , movies, advertisements, anything that involves being in public eye involves a stereotype called beauty. I'd lie blatantly if i said " I don't care how i look". Yes, I do. I want to be a person with more to offer than my looks, but that does not mean that I would settle for looking anything less than good. Why are people surprised if they see an extremely intelligent good looking woman ? Why should God bless anyone with just one or the other ? Why is beauty often associated with lack of grey cells ? Are'nt we all vain creatures in one way or the other ? Looking into the mirror don't we all want to see something beautiful staring back ? It is for your own eyes to behold you as beautiful irrespective of what public opinion may state !!!. But we often get blinded by mass opinion of what may be beautiful and what may not. That is when beauty dies and vanity takes over.

To quote Kahlil Gibran
"People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.
But you are life and you are the veil.
Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity and your are the mirror"

Friday, July 18, 2003

"What's in a name?" Shakespear's Juliet asked. "That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet."

Its all in the name, I say. My mom probably was not expecting that her "Ragini" would live in a country where people struggle to pronounce anything thats not a John or a Smith. So R-A-G-I-N-I becomes "Regina" .. A name I just cannot stand. But I insist they learn to say my name right. I refuse to change it to a "Reggae" or something, simply coz it suits their convenience. At restaurants. Kaushal becomes Kris, Shyamal becomes Sam, and Aaras( now how hard is that !!!! ) becomes Alex. The last time i said "Ragini" at Starbucks, it somehow magically became "Virginia". HOW ??? What cracks me up though is given my name is complicated, how come Ram became "TOM" ??? As shyamal says, unless he says Sam with an accent they even don't get that !. I am close to giving up. At times when i don't have the patience to go through the exercise of making them repeat my name after me, I simply say Rachel or Hazel or some name that i would have liked to have were I american. Growing up in this country and having complicated Indian names will border on child abuse. :).

It shouldnt really matter, but my name is part of my identity, that makes me ME. And i refuse to let go of that part of me. !!!

Thursday, July 17, 2003

Yippeeee. I finally got my degree. It was in the mail last night. And it was a great feeling to hold it. A sense of pride and achievement. Yeah, i know a million people do their Masters in electrical engineering ... but Hey that does not make my efforts any less worthy does it !!!!!!! Its definetely not been a smooth ride , my two years in grad school. At times I have wanted to throw everything away and run back to the secure confines of the love and home i have known for 21 years of my 24 year old life. Thats what makes this all the more special. My grandmom wants a copy of my degree. So does my mom. To know that I have made people who love me the most in this entire universe proud, is the greatest high ever. When i sober down :) , I need to just start living up to it :) !!!!

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Walked in dead from my workout and flopped on the couch. Aviva (my roommate) was watching "Anything for love" , a TV show where people come on it to do strange things in the name of love. a. Why would you make your personal life public ? b. Why would you put the "one you love" through a embarassing situation in front of a million people even if you wanted to punish her for cheating on you?. Yeah, you will say these things are staged and not real.... they probably are, but my aerobics instructor was on one such blind date shows, she says its real.
Anyways, there was this woman who had the Tv guys track down her highschool sweetheart who broke up with her in their first year at college. After 18 years, she wanted to tell him that she never loved anyone the way she loved him and she wanted to take off from where they parted ways. The guy was in a daze. He had no clue why he was on the show. and then this woman with tears streaming down her face, claims she still loves him after 18 years. (Are you listening Yash Chopra ?? ). He doesnt say a word, until she finally asks him what he thinks of picking up from where they left off and his eyes are moist and he just says "Let's" and gives her a hug.

For the sake of love, I really hope that thing was not staged !

Monday, July 14, 2003

Pirates of The Carribean --- The curse of the black pearl.
I can easily say its one of the most entertaining movies i have seen in a long time. It is my every childhood fantasy come alive. For two hours I lived in another world. The world of pirates. Absolutely crazy but a perfect movie for a sunday evening. It made me forget that a work week was coming up. Its only when i woke up this morning i got out of my reverie and grudgingly got into work !!!!

Friday, July 11, 2003

Some things never change. Thank God for small mercies. :) . My best friends from school are still my best friends and everyday is dedicated to our friendship.
I can slap nicky, fire shwets, laugh at snehi when she is crying, not reply to any of saurabh's emails and get away with all of it.
After all what are friends, if they can't love you inspite of you. And then they have stiff competition from shruti who is probably the only friend I have never found a reason to fight with, so much that it scares me now. :). And then there is varun, who i know inspite of all the ugly scenes we have from time to time, will bend backwards for me if need be. Arun, who loses his memory from time to time, but has been a mentor in more ways than one. Will and Grace remind me at times of Sachin and me, only he is not gay and i am not dumb.
There are a bunch of people who deserve special mention... but that will be another time and blog :) ...

Thursday, July 10, 2003

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today, I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad, it's not so bad and

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

Push the door I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me and

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

--- Lyrics of Thank you -- Dido

Cant think of a better song to describe my summer of 01 in Seattle. Heard this song on radio this morning. Its a cloudy morning for summer in San Diego.
In fact the cd NO Angel by dido is such a great one. Very bitter songs but very beautiful. Love her voice and accent.

Monday, July 07, 2003

So I am on the front page of rediff blogs !!!! From what I see i think thats pretty cool. but then Hey !!!!! Its me... And anything me just has to be cool. ;)
a couple of other cool things i did over weekend. Went to the blues festival in Portland. Was awesome. except that it was way too crowded and there was no place to rest the butt. But its nice to see a active crowded PDX downtown on a gorgeous sunny sunday. Went to kells (Irish pub) on saturday night for some live Celtic music. "Tapped" the foot a bit. Sang "Heres to you Mrs Robinson "& and a bunch of other songs with the crowd. The first time i have heard Simon Garfunkel being played in a bar. Pretty cool. Interesting crowd. I had completely forgotten how portland is mostly a "all american" crowd. Am so used to seeing hispanics and asian dominated crowds..(san diego, La , and seattle mainly)... :) !. Was a nice evening spent with Bailley's on the rocks. Portland filled me with nostalgia of my school days....fragrance of bitter-sweet memories . Strange how u go back to a city and see that nothing has really changed...but u r life has .. u have. And its a different world altogether.