....and all that jazZ

Friday, February 27, 2004

There are days when you have nothing to do and the week drags along. There are days when there is a lot to accomplish and just soo little time. And then there are days when the more you do the longer the days get and the cycle never ends. This has been one such. There are so many things I want to do and as I do them there are a lot more things that I dont want to do that I have to do. And I try to do it all. But there is only so much I can do without killing myself.

I wish I could vanish for a day. And float around watching others do it all !!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

There is nothing greater than overcoming your greatest fear. As i stepped on my skis for the first time and I slid backwards every bad dream that I ever had about slipping from a ice clad mountain came rushing back. I howled and the instructor caught me from behind " Now isnt this fun ?" and he smiles. I am not quite sure and its just a bunny slope. and I am not even at a height yet. The speed scares me. That I cant control it scares me more. The height and not knowing where and how I will land scares me most. My feet are already hurting. "I am never going to ski again !!" I tell myself. But I gave myself one more chance. Went up the ski-lift to the top of the slope. The "Wedge" doesnt help at all once I start gaining momentum. So I take a deep breath and tell myself " I wont fall and i wont crash into anyone again". Slowly I make my way down braking all the time. And i made it. And that instant I overcame my first big obstacle. My own fear of falling.

I envy the kids on the slope who zip past me. They know no fear. They are not afraid to fall. Innocence keeps the mind free. With passing years we tie our mind and ourself down with our own fears and insecurities. Oh, to be a child again ! Oh, to be free again !

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Blue Eyes.. Baby's got blue eyes. And she brings spring with her when she smiles. She talks to the angels I dont see. But I see her and she is the prettiest of them all. She reaches out for my black hair and her eyes ask "Why are yours not golden like mine?". She speaks a language alien to the adult world. But she gets her way. Her little lands clasp my little finger and she laughs like the gurgling brook.
Chubby Cheeks, Rosy lips, Dimpled chin, teeth within?
Eyes are blue, and lovely too. Mommy's pet.. Is that you ?
And she gives me that strange look, awfully hurt that says "Do you even doubt it?"
And then she starts looking frantically for that face she knows so well and already loves like nothing else. She sees it and her blue blue eyes start to widen threatening to bring the skies down if her mother doesnt reach out right away.
"I am almost done with lunch, Ill be right there". She comes and takes this bundle of delight from my arms "Thank you for watching her."
"My pleasure" I say. Baby blue eyes snug and secure look at me and smile. They say "Find your own nest".

Oh baby blue eyes, I left mine across the oceans what seems like eons ago.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

If I dont care a hoot, Does it mean it does'nt hurt ?
If I dont say it aloud, Does it mean I dont feel it ?
If I laugh about it, Does it mean I am happy about it ?
If I dont share my tears, Does it mean I can't cry ?

Monday, February 09, 2004

Sometimes I feel like I dont connect anymore. Like I am sitting by my window and smiling at all the people coming and going. Some stop for a chat others just breeze by. But I sit there and just watch. Like I am not part of the world that is passing me by.

Lazy sunday desires. Some people think I dont know how to bum around doing nothing. Maybe i dont. Spending an entire afternoon playing cards is doing nothing. Spending a solid 2 and a half hours to buy a pair of shoes is doing nothing. Making my room look perfect is doing nothing. Sitting in a coffee shop and catching up on all my reading is doing nothing. Ironing clothes and making that sunday brunch is doing nothing.

And a passerby takes me by the hand and makes me a part of the passing world for a bit. And then I come back to watching. From the otherside of the window.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Its a cold blue morning outside. Ice blue I am within.
Just one of those days. When all I want to do is stay huddled in bed. Hot tea and marie biscuit. Nothing ruins a day more than waking up with a clogged head and a sore throat. Every inch of my body is protesting and resisting. My mind the most. It has frozen itself.

On a happier note.... Can't wait until tomorrow. End of a fruitful week. A weekend full of Parties. And Ill wait for thr pot to boil :-) !!!

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

A watched pot never boils. Ever heard the saying ? :-) !

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

I am human. And not above prejudices. As much as I would like to believe that I am. The very belief that I am above it and others are not would be a prejudice in itself. What a paradox ! I made a statement and as the words came out of my mouth my ears just couldnt believe that my mouth said it . I wonder what possessed me. I so wanted to make my point and by holding a prejudice I so did not. I envy those who can rise above it. I believe there can be none.