....and all that jazZ

Thursday, January 31, 2019


"Is it my birthday tomorrow?"
the first words this morning
"Yesss !!!" she exclaims, seeing me smile.
"Its the last day I am FOUR"

Did you see it ? Did you see ?
I didn't for sure
How these years
just crept up upon me.

I feel happy yet cheated,
of time that I am owed
fighting battles
that I have long conceded

But then, such is life
and so the story goes
I looked away for a second
And she is turning FIVE

Dear Ponyo,
May you always and forever be the star that you are today. Less diva would be nice, but we would love you the same anyway !


Tuesday, January 08, 2019

Chapter 18 - Home

I have been away from home 18 years now. I have found home in many places over the years, sometimes in the unlikeliest of places. I "set up" MY home in San Diego nearly a decade ago. Its strange how I leave home to go home to take a break - from a life that I made to a life that made me. I go home to space out, to be fed, to be nourished and nurtured, to be loved as I can only be loved there. I control nothing there, but I am home. Maybe that is why I am home.

I come back here to flop on my bed and feel like I am home. I look over at Coolboy and my monkeys pottering away, doing their thing, going about their day and it is the same feeling like I had when I was over there. This is the world of my creation, of my choices and the world I control ( somewhat). This is also home. Where they are themselves. In the house we picked together, put together, the life we cherish together. Yes, I am home.

I have left my heart to wander between these two worlds. Float away over the oceans. Make that long journey around earth. Someday, when I am nothing but ashes, look to the waves that kiss both lands. One of them will be me.