....and all that jazZ

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Audacity of Hope ?

There is something about the choice of words "Audacity of Hope". They are not mine. They are President Obama's(Actually, not even his.The title "The Audacity of Hope" was derived from a sermon delivered by Obama's former pastor, Jeremiah Wright). I love it. Because implicit in it is the truth that it takes courage to believe. To keep on believing. To give, sometimes against all reason, what we call "The good faith attempt".

A full circle,
with no beginning and no end.
Unto Eternity in my quest,
My heart's desire is just around the bend.

In the center of chaos,
At the tip of the tornado,
In the eye of the storm,
At the end of the rainbow.

I looked to Her for an answer,
Will I, Can I , Should I?
She smiled and said,

Monday, February 16, 2009

Eyes Wide Shut

Ka felt that heaven and hell were the same place. It was precisely because childish joys turned into living hell that he felt the joys so keenly. Memory is a rather convenient tool we have at our disposal. We can filter and amplify our thoughts and impressions ( consciously or subconsciously) to achieve a state of mind that puts us at equilibrium with what the heart whims.

We can go through life, choosing to ignore that which disturbs our conscience, the reasons into which I do not have the capacity to dwell, pretending that it never happened or that it was not our fault or in a lot of cases where it does not even concern us.

I have not watched Schindler's List or Hotel Rwanda. I know exactly how it plays out and the reason perhaps I am avoiding it is that such truths, the depravity, haunts me for days at end. I saw Amu this weekend. For some reason since that evening, scenes from Maachis have been playing in my head. I am asking my self over and over again.. how can the powers that be let all this happen? How can people, why other people, how can I stand by and watch. Then I find myself digging deep into my thoughts, opening shut doors, poring over images and stories that have imprinted my soul and my mind keeps out.

And I am asking myself.. will I ever find the courage? Will I do the right thing? Will I be able to open my eyes and... SEE ?

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

How far is heaven?

I have a mug that I have been using for the last 8.5 years. It has a picture of a mommy elephant and daddy elephant waving bye to their baby elephant. Amma Appa packed a household for me in two suitcases when I came first to America. Among a whole clutter of those things that i brought along to build my life here, was this mug. It is my most favourite mug. I would not trade it for all the fancy mugs in the world.

Its amazing how sentiment can elevate the value of things that seem so mundane. It sits there among other things and if you didn't know better you would call it junk.

Today, I was offered a Laddoo. Not just a laddoo, a Maa(v)Laddoo. My favourite-est thing ever. As it melted in my mouth, the familiarity of the taste, opened a floodgate of memories. My eyes stung as I fought a tear back, pushed the gates shut, pulled out a smile and said "Yummy laddoos aunty".

"For Ka, heaven was the place you kept your memories...summer holidays of his childhood,the days he skipped out of school, the times he and his sister and gone into their parent's bed, various drawings he had done as a child, and the time he had gone on a date with a girl he met at a school part and dared to kiss her." - from Snow (Orhan Pamuk)

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Luck By Chance

I am an incredibly lucky girl. Every now and then, I curse my luck. I curse when things don't happen like the way I want them to when I want them to. I every so often look at some people seemingly better off (in every sense) admiringly and think.."Why them and not me?". I am greedy. I am only human after all. But the truth of the matter is that I am an incredibly lucky girl.

The movie I saw this evening has stayed with me. Success and Failure are choices we make says the protagonist. I could not agree more. Luck in the same vein is a choice we have to make. Just like Happiness is a state of mind, so is being lucky.

I have on different occasions pondered on how unlucky I am when it comes to love or money or talent or whatever else.In spite all the complaining, I have managed to live life on my terms so far. Even when it dealt me a hand I did not like, I have found a way to be happy. In fact I have never had to look too far for happiness. It has always managed to find me.

I have much in life to be grateful for. All the bumps, insecurities, tears as well. What hasn't broken me has made me stronger. Along the way I have met some extraordinary people, seen some fantastic days, spectacular sunsets, star studded desert skies, fallen in love many many times, laughed till I cried, made friends who will last me a lifetime, and above all, learned that the best is yet to come.

Knock on wood thrice! Yes, it happened by chance that I turned out to be a very lucky girl.