....and all that jazZ

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Flashback



31st August 2000
They were all still there when I turned to look. My whole family and my extended family of friends. I had distributed off quite a few of my favourite clothes because i could'nt take them and I could'nt bring myself to throw them. They stood there each wearing a memory. We had fought our way through the crazy Mumbai traffic. It was the night before Ganesh Chaturthi. There was joy and mirth around as people brought home their idols.Patti and Ma had decided that Ganesh Chaturthi was a good day for travel. An auspicious beginning was necessary. I was going in search of my destiny. What was I looking for ? Education was an excuse. I was looking for a dream to live. I was looking for myself.

31st August 2005
Tomorrow I finish 5 years in the USA. I have a masters degree, a job, a good life, a green card. I go to the gym regularly and drink my non-fat mocha with no whip. I look forward to long weekends and save every bit of my vacation so that I can home for 3 weeks every year or so. I am living the immigrant dream. I am yet to become a home-owner with a backyard I tire of mowing, and a SUV mom running between work and home but I am only 26 and I still have time I figure. Is that the destiny I came looking for ? Will it ever take me back to where I argue I truly belong while I stand,feet firmly planted to American soil ? Have I found myself yet?

Time will answer some questions. In another 5 years some wont even make sense anymore. I don't really know where I will be. I don't even know where I want to be anymore. Hopefully I will just stumble upon where I should be. Would I have found what I am looking for ? I doubt it, but ask in me in 5 years form today. 31st August 2010


Eternity is caught in a moment
I am living the memory and the possible
Floating through space
I am here, there and every place
I ever wanted to be
Trying to see
though the clouds that cover my mind
Spread my wings, summon the wind
Its time for my flight
Caught between day and night
I weigh nothing, but my heart is heavier
than it ought to be
I am trying to break free
I finally do and I wave my goodbye
to all those I knew and all those I would
in another moment where eternity collapsed
I say " I am moving on, it time to part."
It is the end of the journey but it is only the start.


7 Comments:

  • Wonderfully put. Welcome to the five year club, welcome to the conundrum, the search for the right answers. I would very much like to hear your story after the next 5 years. Congratulations and all the best!

    Originally @ Aug 31, 2005 11:41 PST

    By Anonymous Parth, at 5:12 PM  

  • Thanks Parth. yes We should exchange notes in circa 2010 :).
    Good Luck to you too !!

    Originally @ Aug 31, 2005 11:46 PST

    By Anonymous Who else !, at 5:12 PM  

  • :)

    Originally @ Sep 01, 2005 07:41 PST

    By Anonymous D, at 5:13 PM  

  • It shows that you have written this post with a lot of affection and respect towards your own emotions. The effort hasn't gone wasted.

    But going by the fact that you have completely covered yourself with the thin sheet of a pattern, I'd much rather ask you, "How many of you came back? And after how many years?" Perhaps the answer will give me a reasonably authentic visibility.

    -- Akshaya

    Originally @ Sep 01, 2005 07:49 PST

    By Anonymous Akshaya, at 5:13 PM  

  • D: :) Hows you ?

    Originally @ Sep 01, 2005 08:43 PST

    By Anonymous Who else !, at 5:13 PM  

  • Akshaya : None of my friends have gone back yet.

    Originally @ Sep 01, 2005 08:44 PST

    By Anonymous Who else !, at 5:14 PM  

  • wonderful post. it made me think about a few things..ive been here 4 yrs, and it seems like forever. I think its ok to not know where you are going, as long as you know that you dont know, and you have made your peace with that. :)

    Originally @ Sep 07, 2005 14:25 PST

    By Anonymous Kartik, at 5:14 PM  

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