Never Land, Never more.

Losses are always hard to describe. With some losses you lose a part of yourself that cannot be found again. I am a lesser person without my Father. That much is true.

Dear Mowgli, I know that you know. Keep him in your heart always. He loved you more than he loved anything else. He loved that you loved him so much. That meant the most to him. The only regret he possibly has is not being able to be with you longer. You have to know that he planned to teach you to balance on your cycle this summer. He looked forward to watching you swim. There were many kites waiting to be flown. Beach trips, and sea world with you. He had his "real" doctor kit kept aside to give to you when he came in April. He intended to unveil the magical world of the human body to you. He meant to inspire you to a profession he loved deeply and practiced with all his heart, all his life. You are his biggest treasure and his lasting joy. He is with the rainbow now as you know. On the other side where it ends. And yes, he is always trying to come and be with you. Grow up to be like him, always remember him and make him happy and proud.

Dear Ponyo, When you came into our world, Tatha laughed with joy. He could not touch you or hold you, but he loved you and blessed you. He wanted to be with you Ponyo, he really really wanted to, so so much. I wish I could tell you what you have lost and missed out on, but I don't know how to explain it. I cannot compensate for him, but I promise I will try to be the parent that he was to chitthi and me. I think that will make him very happy and proud.

Home is the place where I go to become a child again. To be with my family, to be spoilt and pampered. Where Appa picks me up from the airport, no matter what time the flight lands. Where Amma waits to welcome me at home with goodies and kolam and joy in her arms. Where even when I went as a mother to a 15 month old child, I was babied as much as he was. A place where I never had to grow up. I never needed to. My Never land. Without my Appa, my childhood has officially come to an end. My Never land never more.