Solitude

As we were driving back from the harbour, sunday evening, Sue called and canceled dinner plans. Although i was looking forward to having dinner with them, i felt this huge rush of relief. In an instant my whole body felt exhausted. With the mind realising that the packed weekend had ended, the body finally let go. Energy levels hit an all time low. I dragged myself up the stairs and opened the door to an empty home. Plonked on the bed and hugged Solitude.

Closed my eyes and let the sounds of nothing sing to me. I never realise how tired I am till I am alone. I think about all the words spoken, no meaning and to no end. I often these days find myself questioning the value if things I do and say. I dread the futility of it all.

I was in Zion, backpacking through the narrows, exactly a week ago. Carrying my burden, following the river, as fast as I could. As far as I could. Over the millions of years that it has carved its way through the slots, i followed it. It curved and bounced and danced, and bit by bit carved the path I walked on.

My life is my destiny. I am the river. I just know that I have to follow my course. Maybe I will carve a marvel, or maybe just trickle on into nothingness. I wont know ever. For the meaning is not for us to find in a lifetime. I only know that every nook and curve and turn I make, it is the only way. For no river ever runs backwards to change its course.

I hope I carve a Marvel.