The toughest battles are always fought with ones self. When rationality clashes with faith. When the heart clashes with the head. When desire clashes with courage. When "Can I ?" clashes with "Should I ?". There is no right and wrong. I stand at the fork and wonder. If I don't then I will always wonder what if I had ? But perhaps spare myself some humiliation. But if I do, I will know for sure. I will hurt for a while but be at peace for ever that it could never have been any other way.

I years had been from home,
And now, before the door,
I dared not open, lest a face
I never saw before

Stare vacant into mine
And ask my business there.
My business,—just a life I left,
Was such still dwelling there?

I fumbled at my nerve,
I scanned the windows near;
The silence like an ocean rolled,
And broke against my ear.

I laughed a wooden laugh
That I could fear a door,
Who danger and the dead had faced,
But never quaked before.

I fitted to the latch
My hand, with trembling care,
Lest back the awful door should spring,
And leave me standing there.

I moved my fingers off
As cautiously as glass,
And held my ears, and like a thief
Fled gasping from the house.

- Emily Dickinson

I would hate for you to think that I am weak. But its not my weakness that brings me here. I had to muster every bit of courage, don't you see ? And now that I have, I am no longer vulnerable.