A New Beginning.

I have a picture of Tatha and Patti on my bed stand. Patti is the person i say good night to every night. PattIi is the person I tell when i want something real bad. Patti always prays for me. And when she prays... it always comes true.


I was pacing up and down the room with the test stick in my hand. My whole body was tense and I had an idiotic smile plastered on my face. I kept saying " Oh God, Coolboy, what if its true...?"


The months preceding it I had spent poring over all possible reasons why I would not have the easiest route to this moment. Doubts, fears, anxiety were only quadrupled by the vast amount of information online. Cool boy had categorically stated that he did not want to be part of this self diagnosis. "If there is the problem, we will find a solution. IF." He did not believe in speculating.

One fine day I decided - Enough. Giving up control is one if the hardest things to do. We belong to the fast food generation. Things have to be churned out quick and when wanted. We decide that this is a good age to be married by.. this is a good time to have a baby.. good time to switch jobs.. Timing is critical. We have to squeeze the most out of every phase before we move to the next. Not a moment to waste. A Career, financial security, home, a companion... so on..the rush through life.. leaves me with a sense of inevitability of a mechanical routine. Where are the pauses ? Where is the spontaneity ? Where did I lose it ? When did I lose it ?
So I decided - Enough. Things should happen when they have to.

A month later.. holding that stick in my hand.... I looked at cool boy... confused.. part happy.. mostly scared... and said "Can this be true?". "Well, isn't it what you have been obsessing about ?" He smiled.

I would have never been prepared for this moment. No amount of control would have helped me. It took me a whole week and more to wrap my head around the big change in my life that I had just embraced.

A lot of things have been topsy-turvy since. 10 weeks since, I am a new person. There are new challenges. And I know one thing.. The time is always right when you are ready mentally. Nothing else matters.